Crafting an Effective Apology… to Yourself
If you find yourself ruminating over a past event long after its end, perhaps self-forgiveness is what is needed.
How I learned that I owed myself an apology
I’d found myself stuck in anger well past the end of a relationship which for me, was unusual. I wanted to know what lay beneath this anger, so I apologized for my contributions to the relationship’s end in a letter I’d never send. Why? Because I hate feeling like a victim. So making a list of my choices and actions that led to its rotten ending felt better than composing yet another litany of how I was hurt. I explored the choices I regretted. And here’s where things got super-interesting: as I asked myself more questions and pored over dated journal entries from the past years with him, I saw, written in my own hand, how I had talked myself out of heeding my bodily emotions and talked myself into staying in a situation that was not good for me.
I ignored my gut and didn’t protect my values and standards: they were like children to whom I denied protection and nourishment while instead letting this person endlessly feed until he decided he was done.
This was it: the acknowledgement, the apology that I needed.
Through continued listening, observing without judgment, and curiosity (if this sounds familiar it’s…
